Aries

(March 21st to April 19th)

You would be Robert Ben Rhoades aka the Truck Stop Serial Killer.

Robert Ben Rhoades raped, tortured, and killed as many as 50 women while traversing the country in a semi. The back of his truck was converted into a mobile torture chamber, keeping victims in there for weeks at a time. He also had a penchant for photographing his victims, as with Regina Kay Walters, above.

Aries do not like to stay in one place. They crave adventure and the open road. If they were a serial killer, this would be the ideal life for them — criss-crossing the country in a murder wagon of their own creation. No rules, no agenda — no home to return to, no 9-5 job to drag them down.

Taurus

(April 20th to May 21st)

You are Dean Corll aka “The Candy Man”.

Dean Corll’s family owned a candy factory and he was known for giving candy to local children. Unfortunately he was also luring young boys to his home with the promise of alcohol, drugs, or a ride somewhere. Along with two accomplices, Corll is responsible for killing a “minimum” of 28 boys. He paid his friends $200 for any kids they could convince to wander into his home where they would be raped and strangled or shot.

Home is a very important concept to any Taurus, it is their sanctuary where they feel ultimately at peace and in control. As a serial killer, they’d find a way to lure people to their safe place in order to kill them there.

Gemini

(May 22nd to June 21st)

You’d be the Green River Killer aka Gary Ridgway.

Torn between his love for the bible and his love for prostitutes and public sex, Ridgway took his frustrations out in a truly sinister way. He is convicted of killing 49 women, though the actual number is thought to be twice that amount. He killed prostitutes and took his wife to the places he buried their bodies where he’d demand public sex. During this time he also proselytized Christianity door to door and would ‘frequently’ cry after reading the Bible.

Geminis are the most passionate sign in the zodiac, unfortunately what they tend to be passionate about changes from week to week (and sometimes from hour to hour). You know what it’s like to be torn between your interest and allegiance to ideals that are sometimes in conflict with each other.

Cancer

(June 22nd to July 22nd)

You’d be Charles Cullen aka The Angel of Death.

Charles Cullen was a nurse who killed as many as 40 elderly patients with unprescribed medicine. He moved jobs and switched hospitals many times to avoid capture, wishing to continue to carry out murders in the name of “relieving suffering”.

Cancers are very loving individuals with a great deal of empathy. It’s hard for them to watch other’s suffer and it’s not hard to see how loving someone too much can be dangerous. Cullen thought he knew best for his patients and believed the murders he carried out were in fact acts of love.

Leo

(July 23rd to August 22nd)

You’d be the Zodiac killer.

The identity of the Zodiac Killer is still unknown, decades after he terrorized the California bay area. The Zodiac famously haunted lover’s lanes in a hooded getup of his own creation, killing couples and then bragging about it in letters he sent to police and journalists. He claimed in one of many letters he sent local papers that he had killed 37 people, though police know of only 7 victims.

Leos live for the spotlight. If they were serial killers, they’d totally be the kind to toy with police (and the public at large) by sending clues and letters to the local papers. Leos are smart enough to commit crimes without being detected, the air of mystery and enduring interest in the case is exactly the craving that would drive them to the edge to begin with.

Virgo

(August 23rd to September 22nd)

You would be Patrick Kearney.

One of three serial killers separately referred to as “The Freeway Killer”, Patrick Kearney was a killing machine who murdered as many as 43 young men in California in the 1970s. On an almost monthly basis Kearney would pick up hitchhikers in his Volkswagen Beetle and quickly and efficiently subdue and murder them, dumping the bodies in landfills or along the freeway. He was known for having a refined modus operandi, taking such lengths as cutting a bullet out of a man’s head with an X-acto knife in order to avoid being caught.

The real answer here is that a Virgo would be the kind of serial killer that doesn’t get caught. They are too good at planning, too patient to be sloppy. But as far as known serial killers go, Kearney captures the pragmatic and efficient essence of dear put-together, workaholic Virgo.

Libra

(September 23rd to October 22nd)

You would be Rodney Alcala aka The Dating Game Killer.

Rodney Alcala murdered at least 5 people in the 1970s. His real kill count could be as high as 130 people. Police have described him as “a killing machine” saying he “toyed” with his victims, strangling them until they lost consciousness, then waiting until they revived, sometimes repeating this process several times before finally killing them.” He was notable for his appearance on the game show The Dating Game in which he was chosen as the winning bachelor.

Libras are known for their advanced social skills. If a Libra was a serial killer, they are the absolute last person you’d suspect. The fact that Alcala was not only chosen to compete on a dating show, but charmed his way into winning is a total Libra move.

Scorpio

(October 23rd to November 22nd)

RT ClassicPict: The mask of serial killer Dennis Rader aka the BTK Killer. https://t.co/0nebQXKa4I

— ARUL PRADEEP (@ArulPradeep93) March 20, 2017

You would be Dennis Rader aka BTK.

One of the most famous serial killers in American history, Dennis Rader murdered ten people near Wichita, Kansas in a horrifying manner he described as “bind, torture, kill.”

It’s no secret that Scorpios are not to be fucked with. They tend to have short tempers and take an enormous amount of satisfaction in getting revenge against someone who has wronged them. Rader was certain that these women had wronged him through temptation and the unjust nature of the world. The glee he took in exacting what he thought of as “justice” is the extreme end of of this spectrum.

Sagittarius

(November 23rd to December 21st)

You are John Wayne Gacy.

Known as the “clown killer” John Wayne Gacy raped, tortured, and killed at least 33 teenage boys, hiding the bodies in a crawl space in his basement. He was also a well-liked community leader who dressed up as a clown for children’s parties and neighborhood events. Gacy’s murder spree began when he killed a young boy he’d picked up hitchhiking after the boy allegedly tried to rob him. In Gacy’s own words: “that’s when I realized that death was the ultimate thrill.”

Sagittarians are known for being the life of the party. Gacy would fit right in with this crew of class clowns, you know, minus the whole murdering people thing.

Capricorn

(December 22nd to January 20th)

You are Ted Bundy.

Some believe Ted Bundy to be the most prolific serial killer in American history. In the 1970’s he killed 30 people, though his true victim count could be much higher. Bundy was a rapist and murderer who targeted young college-age women. He charmed his one time coworker and eventual true crime writer Ann Rule, who considered him a friend and later described him as “a sadistic sociopath who took pleasure from another human’s pain and the control he had over his victims, to the point of death, and even after.”

Capricorns strive to be seen as the best at what they do. Even as a serial killer, they want to be the biggest and baddest, but also the most handsome, charming, and outwardly successful — all things Bundy is remembered for. He was a law student who worked on political campaigns — how Capricorn can you get?!?

Finally, anyone who has ever broken up with a Capricorn can relate to what a member of Bundy’s defense team said when asked about his personality saying he was, “the very definition of heartless evil.”

Aquarius

(January 21st to February 18th)

You’d be Juan Corona.

Little-known because of the migrant status of his victims, Juan Corona is no less prolific than more well-known serial killers. He is thought to have killed 34 people. When searching Corona’s apartment, police discovered a grisly treasure trove including “two bloodstained knives, a machete, a pistol and blood-stained clothing. There was also a work ledger that contained 34 names and dates, including seven of the known victims.”

Aquarians are known for their unique ideas. After witnessing a massive flood in which 38 people were killed, Corona believed that everyone was dead and that he was “living in a land of ghosts”. While other people might try to conform their belief system to social norms, Aquarians have no problem moving forward with something that sounds strange, even unbelievable, to others.

Pisces

(February 19th to March 20th)

You’d be Charles Manson.

While not technically a serial killer (that we know of), Manson surely fits the genre. Under his orders, members of his cult murdered 9 people one summer in California. People outside of his cult (“the family”) describe him as a nice person. He was also an aspiring musician whose motive may have been frustration or revenge when a music producer rejected him.

The most creative sign in the Zodiac, Pisces will relate to the the at times peaceful and free loving Manson. They’d love to live in a community of their friends and lovers strumming guitar and talking about their ideas (and probably smoking a lot of weed), just without all the conspiracy and murder…