I used to be a self-proclaimed party girl. What does a self-proclaimed party girl entail, you ask? I was known in college as the ‘drunk’ one, text me at 9pm to come pre-game? I’d respond with, “Downskis, but I’ve already started drinking.” Text me for lunch on a Thursday, and you’d probably get a response, “Yeah but fyi I’m hungover af.” I could pound shots down like no other, I’d get in competition with the boys and 9/10 times beat them.

I have flirted my way into way too many clubs, made out sloppy drunk with multiple guys on multiple dance floors, and peed in more bushes than I’m proud of. I’ve had meltdowns in bars and multiple heart-to-hearts with Uber drivers.

I’ve always been defined as the hot mess party girl and for the most part I rather enjoyed it. I’ve always been extremely strong and independent, but I think there’s a part in every party girl that wants to be taken care of. And I enjoyed being taken care of. I thrived in the attention. In the moments I felt in control, making out with a guy, giving him my number, knowing I’d never talk to him come morning. I wasn’t the best person, I don’t deny that, but there was something about being so damn in control.

But there came a time, recently, that I decided it was time to give up my party girl ways. So I hung up the mini skirts that barely covered me and said goodbye to the heels I could barely walk in. Text me to hang out past 10pm on a Friday and I guarantee I’m responding with, I’m already in pjs, can’t. I can’t remember the last boy I made out with sloppy drunk at a bar or the last free drink I got from wearing a shirt too low.

So here’s my advice to all the ‘hot mess’ girls out there, living life without a care: don’t ever be apologetic for who you are and the mistakes you’ve made.

Trust me, every drunk text will get you one step closer to where you need to be. Realize it’s all a learning process and you’ll eventually get there. But, with that being said, never define yourself entirely as the party girl. It may be fun now, but there will come a time when you realize it’s time to say goodbye to your drunk ways. It may not be for over 10 years, but there will come a time where you’ll become retired — possibly for the sheer reason your body can no longer keep up.

And when that moment comes, you’re going to have to reinvent yourself. But, what happens when you’ve always only defined yourself as the hot mess girl? How do you go about recreating yourself? You may be the party girl, but realize you’re also so much more. Define yourself in terms of your career or your schoolwork. Learn what you’re passionate about and never let go of those passions. Hold onto your friends and define yourselves in terms of them. Or your family. Or even the boy you’re dating. Realize you may be a party girl, but realize you are also so much more.