1. My family owned black slaves. We’re Native American.
“My family owned black slaves. We’re Native American.”
2. My great-great-grandmother was excommunicated for running through a church naked.
“My great-great-grandmother was excommunicated for running through a church naked.”
3. The women that my dad was having sex with (cheating on my mom) were all men.
“That the women that my dad was having sex with (cheating on my mom) were all men. Bonus: They are still married 30 years later.”
4. My great-grandpa died on top of my aunt while raping her when she was 13.
“My great-grandpa died on top of my aunt while raping her when she was 13. It was my great aunt, so her dad died while raping her of a heart attack.”
5. Great-grandpa killed one of his kids by bashing their skull against a washbasin.
“My great-grandpa murdered one of his own children. The family was a bunch of poor backwoods hicks and having trouble feeding their kids. My great grandma was pregnant and didn’t learn until delivery that she was pregnant with twins. Great-grandpa’s solution was to bash one of the babies’ heads against the washbasin. My grandpa wrote a letter to my mom on his deathbed and this was one of the things he wrote about in the letter. When my mom told me my blood turned to ice water. The sheer evilness completely shocked me.”
6. My great-grandfather pimped out his daughters to pay gambling debts.
“My great-grandfather was a horrible gambler. He was always losing money. In order to pay it back he ‘lent’ out his daughters, he had 5 of them. They would do ‘wife’ duties for the men who he owed money. It could be anything from making dinner, cleaning the house or having sex. I don’t know for sure when it started but it ended when my grandmother was 8 and she was the youngest, the oldest was 17.”
7. My great-grandmother set up a mirror so my great-grandfather, a stroke victim, was forced to watch her fucking other men.
“That my great grandmother was a vengeful woman. She found out that her husband (my great-grandfather) had cheated on her. So when he had a stroke and was bed ridden, in his 50’s. She set up a mirror that mad it so he could see the bed in the guest bedroom. Then she proceeded to screw every man in town, he was was unable to speak or move and was forced to watch. She also had no shame on who she screwed, she screwed the pastor and the sheriff, to name a few of her triumphs. This was in the early 1950s.”
8. My mom walked in on grandpa swinging his penis in my 6-year-old sister’s face.
“That my grandfather and grandmother drove 1200 miles from Florida, stayed one hour and abruptly left to go home. Parents told me mom and grandma had an argument about too much cheese on salad, which I witnessed. Later found out my mom walked in on grandpa swinging his penis in my 6-year-old sister’s face.”
9. While nine months pregnant, my mom set herself on fire and the baby was stillborn in the hospital.
“My sister and I were told that my mom was in a car accident, lost a baby and was seriously burned. Later found out that she was 9 months pregnant and thought my dad was cheating on her. She set herself on fire and the baby was stillborn in the hospital. My mom is bipolar.”
10. My grandfather hung himself in his basement after losing a World Series bet.
“My grandfather hung himself in his basement when my dad was 10. He had gambled everything they had on the 1965 World Series and he lost.”
11. My great-grandfather on my mother’s side was a Pittsburgh police officer who used to go to the homes of accused rapists and murder them.
“I’m still trying to find official documentation or proof, but apparently my great grandfather on my mother’s side was a Pittsburgh police officer who used to go to the homes of accused rapists and murder them. Eventually he was apparently found out and jumped off a bridge.”
12. My great-grandfather murdered three of my grand-aunts.
“My great-grandfather was an abusive piece of shit and ended up murdering 3 of my grand-aunts and wounded another. He then ended up killing himself after a standoff with the police.”
13. Grandpa murdered grandma.
“Always knew grandma died before I was born, just never knew it was grandpa who murdered her.”
14. My father had an affair with his brother’s wife so my cousin is also my brother.
“My father had an affair with his brother’s wife so my cousin is also my brother. My cousin doesn’t know though, grandma let this slip whilst wasted. Every time you wanted some info from grandma, two glasses of Chardonnay would do the trick.”
15. My grandpa was a Nazi scientist.
“When I was a kid my grandpa was a retired NASA ‘astronaut’ with a funny accent. When I was older I learned he was actually an engineer that used to be a Nazi back in Germany, but was brought to the US to help the defense sector, and later the Space Program.”
16. Found out when I was 22 that apparently I had an older sister.
“Found out when I was 22 but apparently I had an older sister.She died very young due to a heart defect or something before I was born but yeah no one in my (very very large) family ever let it slip the whole time.I only found out because my other two older sisters found a letter buried in a closet one day years ago and they told me about it way after the fact.Never asked my parents about it, I can only imagine what kind of old wound that would dig up and they don’t need that—I just quietly visited the grave by myself once to leave a flower. It was a pretty unreal feeling.”
17. My grandmother became crippled from my grandfather’s beatings.
“That my grandmother didn’t get a bad neck/back from poor posture. Grandfather beat her for spending his savings while away working outta town.
She turned into a cripple over the course of 30 years and committed suicide last February. Grandfather has been heavily depressed witnessing it all unfold.”
18. My uncle committed incest with my cousin from the time she was 7 until she was 16.
“My uncle committed incest with my cousin from the time she was 7 until she was 16. My aunt knew, but said nothing beyond that God would forgive him. My uncle died last year. I was not saddened by this.”
19. Dad cheated on Mum with an 18-year-old student. Mum’s revenge? Banging his Dad.
“Dad cheated on Mum with an 18-year-old student. Mum’s revenge? Banging his Dad. My grandfather then almost became my stepdad…still weirds me out a bit.”
20. Grandma didn’t go away to fat camp. She was in prison.
“Grandma didn’t go away to fat camp. She was in prison.”
21. My hyper-religious Christian grandma was actually in a biker gang.
“My grandmother as I knew her was a hyper-religious Christian woman that had every bit of conservative 1950’s social viewpoints (she was racist, sexist, etc.)Found out she was pimped out at 16, got pregnant by the pimp, she didn’t want the kids as her father would kill her as they were mixed-race, so the pimp took custody and moved to a different state.She was the door kicker in a motorcycle gang. Her brother killed a guy and is serving life in prison—she was part of the same gang.My uncle being a murderer wasn’t a shock as he’s been imprisoned since before I was born and I had visited him when I was young. What it sounds like, locked houses / convenience stores / bars / whatever they felt like busting into—she broke the door down. My grandfather who met her during this time and married her after described it that way.”
22. Great-grandma was a witch who could speak to spirits.
“Great-grandma was a witch who could speak to spirits. I figured out that she was obviously a bit touched when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia with delusions, which was probably exactly what she had. Thank goodness for good mental health professionals :0”
23. A relative killed both of his parents with a shotgun while they were sleeping.
“A relative killed both of his parents with a shotgun while they were sleeping. My mom and aunt talked about it exactly once and said we don’t talk about him. I don’t know anything else other than that he’s in prison and will be for a very long time.”
24. Distant cousin is an Italian mob boss who killed a guy, put his body in a trunk, and lit the car on fire.
“Distant cousin is an Italian mob boss who killed a guy, put his body in a trunk, and lit the car on fire. Currently in Italian jail.”
25. My uncle killed himself in the trunk of his car as to not be found.
“My uncle killed himself in the trunk of his car as to not be found for a while and my grandfather was convinced it was murder.”
26. My uncle didn’t die of a heart attack, he killed himself.
“That my uncle didn’t die of a heart attack, he killed himself. That my mom’s cousin didn’t die in a car accident, he killed himself. That my great aunt didn’t die of a stroke, she killed herself (she was a follower of a cult that believed healthy people should kill themselves so their organs could be donated). All on my mom’s side of the family. Yes, there is a big stigma about suicide in America, but in my parents’ home country it’s even stronger. Many of my family members don’t even know the truth behind these deaths, which breaks my heart. Instead of lying and hiding this stuff, I really wish my family would discuss it honestly so we could process our grief.”
27. My great-grandmother was an extreme racist who also dated a black guy.
“My great-grandmother (who I loved very much) was extremely racist, having been born in the 1910s. She was the type of lady who would lock her doors and stare at her lap if a black person parked beside her to at the gas station to go grab a lottery ticket.Apparently, she had a long-term relationship with a black man in the 70s though, with this guy who was some kind of doctor/surgeon and local legend has it that he shot a home invader, called the police, and then performed life-saving procedures on the guy in his living room while he waited on them to show. I never found out how the relationship ended, but as long as I knew her she was very picky about ‘colored folk’ so it was surprising to me when I found out she’d dated a black man.”
28. Just a couple of weeks ago my mom confessed to me that I had an older sister who died at birth.
“Just a couple of weeks ago my mom confessed to me that I had an older sister who died at birth. It isn’t as bad as some of the things in this thread, but I was entirely shocked. My entire life I’ve wanted a sister, and throughout my childhood I made a point about this, and yet my family never told me.My dad has had depression for a long time, and my mom always told me that he hasn’t always been this way and he just hasn’t been dealing with his emotions properly. I always just assumed there wasn’t a particular reason for it, but it turns out it’s because he hasn’t gotten over her death and refuses to see a mental health professional about his depression.This is a little bit silly, but for me, this part was really shocking and…freaky. When I was a toddler, I had a certain plushie rabbit that was essentially my most well-beloved security toy. I always have had a special attachment to it. I named it Katriana. It turns out that was also the name of my would-be sister. I had no idea.”
29. My grandpa was actually a priest.
“So my grandpa used to go on these ‘business trips’ for years and years and the vast majority of the family believed that he was really a marriage counselor. He ended up dying a few years ago and it turns out he was a priest, the way we all found out was because we weren’t invited to his funeral because his family had never heard of us. Because ya know, priests can’t get married.”
30. Every male in my family has murder someone and ended up being murder.
“Every male in my family has murder someone and ended up being murder. My dad murder my mom and was bullied to death (suicide) in prison.My grandfather, my dad side called a hit on my grandparents on my mom side and they died in Italy before they could come to America. My grandfather got murder by the mafia a few years back.My grandfather’s parents were friends with Charles Manson and murder for him. But fled the country to Mexico in 1970 so they were never convicted. They were murder in Mexico.And from then on it is just a string of Mafia relations. My family has had connections from Baby Face Nelson to Al Capone.I am male and have not killed anyone. I can’t even mistakenly step on a snail without crying.”
31. My uncle killed my aunt before he hung himself.
“Was told my aunt died of some kind of illness. Turns out my uncle killed her, before he hung himself…”
32. Lots of inbreeding on mom’s side.
“On my mother’s side of the family, two brothers married two sisters. Each couple had children. Those children married one another and had children. Those children are weird.”
33. My great great great (etc.) aunt was burned at the stake after being accused of being a witch.
“My great great great (etc.) aunt was burned at the stake after being accused of being a witch.”
34. The real reason my parents got divorced was because my dad wanted to be a swinger.
“The real reason my parents got divorced was because my dad wanted to be a swinger. My mom didn’t like the idea of it, my dad insisted, so the two divorced.Turns out all of my parents’ friends who I had grown up around were swingers as well. My dad’s entire group of law enforcement friends were swingers, I grew up around them all.Looking back and thinking about parties we had gone to, where we had to stay in a play room or spend the night…it fucks me up.The worst part is I found all of this out after googling my dad’s AOL screen name and finding his playfulswingers.com account.I was really young during all of this and there’s a lot to it I left out. It kinda messed me up in the head and to this day I have somewhat of a sex phobia/fear of being cheated on. I’ve learned to look at it as comedic and something that’s just another part of my story.”
35. My grandmother had seven children—six with men other than my grandfather.
“My grandmother had seven children. Turns out my dad is the only child conceived by my grandparents. The other six children were fathered by different men while my grandfather was at war.”
36. On her deathbed, my grandmother told my Dad that he had a twin that was stillborn.
“On her deathbed, my grandmother told my Dad that he had a twin that was stillborn. She and Grandpa had kept that secret 55 years. Grandpa lived 9 more years past that day and apologized to my Dad seemingly every day for never telling him.”
37. Uncle Bob was accused of molesting young boys and while he was in jail awaiting trial he committed suicide.
“I realized I never knew how my uncle Bob died (he died before I was born, but I was close to his wife—my great aunt). I asked my mom and she brushed it off until she finally opened up after I kept prodding.Uncle Bob was accused of molesting young boys and while he was in jail awaiting trial he committed suicide.My aunt and uncle had two adopted children. I always wondered why those children refused to speak with her…my great aunt. My siblings and I think that the uncle abused them, and my aunt was in denial. They must blame her and have cut her out of their life. Sad all around.TLDR Great uncle is a pedophile who killed himself to avoid jail time. My aunt, his wife, was in denial.”
38. My great-grandfather used to bang his mistress upstairs while my great-grandma cooked dinner. Then they’d all eat together.
“My great-grandfather used to bring his mistress home in the evenings. They’d go up into the bedroom while my great-grandmother cooked dinner, then come downstairs when they were finished and the three of them would sit around the table and eat together. No wonder great-grandma became an alcoholic…”
39. My mom is one of the ‘nasty ol’ carpet munching bitches’ she used to demean.
“Learned a couple days ago my mom is lesbian now. Guess I didn’t see that one coming since she has always made jokes towards other lesbians about being ‘nasty ol’ carpet munching bitches.’”
40. My father died of AIDS, not an aneurysm.
“That my father didn’t die of an aneurysm when I was 12; he died of AIDS.”
41. One of my distant ancestors fucked a pig and was sent to Australia for it.
“One of my distant ancestors fucked a pig. That is how that side of my family got to Australia.”
42. My grandfather died from complications associated with a penis implant.
“That my grandfather, who I thought died from complications associated with a heart attack, actually died from complications associated with a penis implant.”
43. My uncle is in the Porn Hall of Fame.
“Well when I was 14, like 2 buddies were sleeping over and we had gotten into my parents’ porn stash and watched it when they went to bed. When I turned it on, no kidding, it was my uncle doing the plowing. My jaw hit the floor I paused it and grabbed a pic of him off the fridge and held it up to his face and we all agreed, it was my mom’s brother. Googled him and it turns out he has been in over 800 movies and has some AVN awards and is in the Porn Hall of Fame. My popularity SOARED in high school that year.”
