Dear President Obama…Please Stay

Mr. President, I watched the third and final Presidential debate last night and I think I want to die. I can’t remember ever seeing two worse candidates for President in my lifetime. I honestly can’t think of any from before I was born either. I’ve had to drink my way through all three of these debates (and most of October) and I know I’m not alone.

Look, I freely admit that I thought the ACA was a half measure and unnecessary giveaway to the insurance companies and that the Libya invasion was a half planned out moral disaster but I might take them all over again before seeing either Mr. Trump or Secretary Clinton inhabiting the White House. So, I’m asking, is there any way for you to stay in office?

No matter who wins, what would happen if you just didn’t leave and we the voters just sort of acted like this election had never occurred? We could just hold another election next year. We could still call it the 2016 Presidential Election even though it would be 2017. It could be a lie we all just play along with like trickle down economics or money not being an influence on policy.

Would Michelle be willing to do that? I know she’s ready to leave. I mean, she’s ready to get out of there. We can all tell and it makes total sense. She’s sick of the limelight and the insults and even the constant repetitions from Democrats about how graceful she is probably don’t make up for that. I work on the Internet. I get that. But still, maybe she would be willing to suck it up a little while longer for the good of the country? Maybe Biden could do all the heavy lifting while you two just live in Chicago? I dunno, I’m spitballing here.

Maybe that’s selfish but c’mon, what are we supposed to do here? Either Trump gets elected and, if he gets his way, bankrupts the country with tax cuts and ushers in a leather clad era of dystopian street battles or Clinton gets elected and engages Russia in aerial combat over Syria while personally transferring every remaining blue collar job to Vietnam. There are no good options, Mr. President!

So, I’m asking you, as a favor to me, a person you do not know, just stick it out. When the election results come in we’ll agree to ignore them and just pretend that the election is next year. Then maybe we can have the Presidential season we were supposed to get in the first place between John Kasich and Bernie Sanders. I’m pretty sure neither of those guys groped, assaulted, and insulted their way to success or gave a bunch of private speeches to Wall Street fat cats in order to make money and secure their support even after they wrecked the economy.

So, what do you say? Are you in? I’ll pretend if you will.