1.
My 6-year-old daughter in the passenger seat a few days ago looked at me and said “Dad. When I’m seven I’m going to kill you. No, wait when I’m eight.” I had to ask so “How are you going to do that?”. She smiled and said, “I’m gonna drive over your head with this car.”
2.
My 3-year-old daughter was in the bath playing with her toys with me and laughing. Suddenly her face deadpans, she looks me in the eye and tells me in a serious little voice “Mummy, if you bit and ate all my fingers off I wouldn’t love you anymore.”
3.
When my son was small, I was talking to him about growing potatoes. I described how you bank up the earth around them as they grow, and he said, “I used to do that when I was an old man.”
4.
When my niece was around three or four years old, she told me she used to have a baby but it drowned.
5.
When my cousin was 2 years old or so, her mom got pregnant again. One day she went to hug her mom’s belly and said “little brother sick”. A few days later she had a miscarriage.
— JuWhi
6.
“When you turn off the lights, that’s when the black circles come. They come down like this (holds his hands in the air above his bed), and they stay for a second, then zoop! they go inside! (slapping the hands to his chest).”
Then, barely holding back tears, “I hate it.”
7.
I was explaining to my niece the difference between things that can and can’t change about people- she was confused because she’d met a set of three siblings and the eldest wasn’t the tallest.
So I told her that one day even SHE, an itty bitty four year old could be taller than me, a big huge grownup. But even if she was taller, I would always be older.
She looked me serious as you like and says “you’ll be dead sooner too.”
8.
Not a parent, but a former teacher.
I taught English in a school in Spain, and I wasn’t supposed to let the kids know that I speak Spanish (so that they are forced to communicate in English). A 10-year-old girl comes up to me one day, grabs me by the hand, and says, with the most horrifying straight face ever, “Te vas a la muerte”, or “you’re going to die”. I was so shocked at the randomness of it that my jaw must have dropped. She then laughed her head off and said, “HA! You DO speak Spanish!”. She then skipped away, laughing and smiling.
Creepiest thing a kid has ever said to me. And probably the most clever thing a kid ever did while I was a teacher.
9.
Not weird phrases but my 2-year-old will get frustrated and switch to her “demon voice”. She makes her voice deep and scratchy sounding and tell you no. Freaks people out the first time they hear it but my husband and I find it funny now.
— kiky23
10.
I was with my sister, her husband, and their two-year-old daughter. We were talking about loved ones that had recently passed (my father had died sometime recently). My brother in law went and grabbed a picture of his mother, who had died in a car crash when he was six, to show me.
When my niece saw the picture though she started laughing. We asked her what was so funny and she looked at us and said, “that’s my special friend who sings to me”. I still shiver a bit just thinking about it.
— KaiserXI
11.
Recently actually. My son always says odd things. Usually, they’re funny but this one threw me for a loop. He is 8. I was telling him how much I love him and thanks for being in my life. He said, “I didn’t choose this life. I couldn’t control how it began. But I can control how it ends.”
12.
When I was little, my grandfather, whom I called Pop Pop, always promised to take me fishing. Things always came up, or I wasn’t in town to go with him when he went, etc. He died when I was 7 and I never had a chance to go fishing. I had never gone fishing, and have not since he died either.
Fast forward 20 years, my wife and I have a 3 year old daughter. I’ve never spoken to her about my Pop Pop, and I’ve never talked about him in front of her. I haven’t brought him up to anyone since before my daughter was born. One day, I’m off with my daughter and she’s in her room. Suddenly, she comes running into the living room where I’m sitting, and says the following:
Her: Daddy, we have to go fishing! (We don’t live near a lake or anything so this was kinda weird for her to say in the first place)
Me: Why do we have to go fishing?
Her: Because Pop Pop says you have to take me!
Me: Wait, what? Who told you?
Her: Pop pop says you need to take me to go fish.
I’m not really a believer in an afterlife or anything, but I damn sure took her fishing. She has not mentioned Pop Pop since then, and it’s been almost a year since that happened.
13.
When my son was 3, he kept saying he had a baby sister with a pink bow, but she died. We never had a baby girl, however, we did have a miscarriage just before that episode.
14.
When my niece was 3, she covered up my head with a blanket and held it down. I moved my head out where I could see her. She said “You can’t come out” and smothered me again. I laughed and said, “Why?” She gritted her teeth and angrily said, “Because I don’t want you to.”
15.
When our dog died, without us yet having properly attempted to explain death, our then two-year-old said, “All her thoughts left her body”.
16.
My, then 3yr old daughter, walked downstairs in the morning and said “Look what I can do!” and she crossed her eyes. I asked her how she learned to do that and she said, “The boy taught me at night” Me: “What boy?” Her: “The boy with the glasses.. he did this” and she held her finger up and zoomed it to her nose and crossed her eyes. She said he laughed and laughed.
Not too scary right? Only…. that’s how my brother taught me to cross my eyes when I was 5 years old. He died when I was 7 years old.
— suedaisy
17.
Child had woken up early so she was watching cartoons next to me in my bed while I tried to wake up.
I’d heard a funny sound downstairs earlier that I mentally blamed on the dogs.
Then kiddo leans over to me and remarks “Oh, there’s a man in the house.”
AWAKE AWAKE AWAKE
(Never found anything, never got any further details from her.)
18.
My mum stayed with us for a few months when my daughter was 3 or 4. When she moved out, the spare room was still called “nanna’s room”. I asked my daughter to get something upstairs one day, she did and came back to me and said, “who is that old lady in nanna’s room?”. Didn’t go in that room ever again.
19.
Babysitting a young girl, 4-5 years old. She wakes up, stares out into the pitch black garden (no street lights within a few hundred meters. Can’t see anything but black outside) and says “Baddie man” over and over. Cue me shitting myself. I tell her everything’s fine and to go back to bed. She’s not disturbed by anything, just keeps saying “Baddie man”. She goes to sleep and my paranoia grows. Every sound has me on edge.
Eventually, her parents come home and I’m like, “oh, no, everything’s fine” and walk home. Next day I see them and tell them about it. Apparently she’d recently watched The Lion King and they had a hedge in their garden that the kid thought looked like Scar – who she called Baddie Man.
— cyfermax
20.
We were driving down a dark, snowy highway late one evening – final stretch of a 16- hour-long road trip. My son, who was around 4 or 5 at the time, was in the back seat and becoming a bit restless. He suddenly covered his face with a blanket and announced loudly, “I don’t want to get glass on my face!”
A few moments later, a pick-up truck towing some snowmobiles pulled out in front of a tractor trailer a few cars in front of us and got hit, spinning out into the median. Fortunately, we avoided the accident completely. It was indeed a bit creepy, though, almost as though he predicted there was going to be an accident right in front of us.
— lori1119
21.
My young daughter said she made a new friend. Her mother and I are like, “Cool hun, what’s her name?” It’s Casey Jnr. So then we ask when we can invite her over to play. My kid says we can’t, cos she’s dead…
Later that night, after putting my daughter to bed, I hear laughter and talking coming from her room. I go to investigate. As i get to the door, I hear my daughter say, “No Casey, stop tickling me!” amidst bouts of giggles. I walk into the room quickly, not knowing what to expect. There is just my daughter in the room, nothing else. Officially creeped out.
22.
I’m a kindergarten teacher. One of my kids told me “I was going to have a little brother but my mom killed him while he was still in her tummy by working too hard.”
23.
It’s not something he said but something he’s done.
He’s named after his great grandfather who passed away before he was born. My son would carry around a picture of his great grandfather and just look at it or set down with him at the dinner table.
24.
To our 3-year-old son: “What would you do if we had another baby?”
Our son: “I’d kill it.”
25.
I used to work at a daycare that was adjacent to a large cemetery. Sometimes the kids would gather at the fence and stare into the cemetery talking about a little boy they wanted to play with. As it turns out, the part of the cemetery that bordered that fence was the same part where all the kids/babies were buried. It really freaked out some of the girls that worked there.
26.
My baby sister said, “I’m scared of the woman who lives in the attic”. My step fathers ex hung herself in the house. She has no recollection of the woman but I remember her saying it.
— Muzea
27.
My niece drew a picture “of a man in her room” that she kept telling her parents about. He had two different colored eyes, and one was gray. When asked why it was gray, she responded, “because he can see the storm coming.”
