1.
“We have a new coworker. I like to work with her. Her smile is beautiful.”
2.
“Your ass is bigger than my wife’s.”
3.
“Welcome home, how was your business trip? Look, I washed the bed sheets.”
4.
“‘I have a crush on your friend.’
Yes, this happened. Yes, we’re still together and worked through it. But it was a rough time of trying to be supportive of him (since he had no intention to act on it and felt bad about feeling that way) and at the same time wondering why I wasn’t good enough.”
5.
“‘Calm down.’ That’s a recipe for getting stabbed.”
6.
“The honest answer to, ‘Do I look fat in this?’”
7.
“The real and unabridged answer to, ‘What are you thinking about?’”
8.
“I don’t intend to cheat on you.”
9.
“The new neighbor has a nice ass.”
10.
“‘If your sister was single, I’d be with her.’ True story.”
11.
“‘You’re more important to me than I am to me.’ It sounds nice and all, but. You’ve demonstrated your low self-worth, and set yourself up to be marginalized.”
12.
“I’ve thought of other women when masturbating.”
13.
“That dress doesn’t make you look fat. Your face does.”
14.
“Your sister’s breasts don’t feel as firm as yours do.”
15.
“My ex was better in bed.”
16.
“You smell a bit menstrual.”
17.
“I think you might be crazy.”
18.
“My ex is so fucking hot.”
19.
“You’re overreacting.”
20.
“Why do you bother putting on makeup all the time? You look the same without it.”
21.
“You sound just like my mother.”
22.
“Happy Birthday; I got you a treadmill. ”
23.
“You’re starting to sound like my wife.”
24.
“I need to get home to my wife and kids….”
25.
“Of all your friends you have the tightest vagina.”
26.
“Your brother can suck a mean dick.”
27.
“Hey, would you like to start coming to the gym with me? We could work out together!”
