21 Husbands On What They’d Really Do If Their Wives Left Them Alone For A Week

Men are sad. And gross. But sometimes sweet(?)

1.

“Every year my wife goes to NC for 10 days.
2 days are spent playing games and making a mess.
1 days is spent going fishing with my buddy.
7 days are spent being lonely and bored.
** 3 hours are spent in a panic trying to get the house spotless so I don’t catch hell for fucking the place up” – almostdoxd

2.

“A couple summers ago, my wife had to travel a lot for work. I tend to treat my body terribly when she’s gone: drink irresponsible amounts of alcohol, smoke a bunch of cigarettes or dip, eat awful food, and stay up really late. By the last trip, I was just like, “I need her to stay. I can’t keep doing this to my body.” But, because I’m a guy/idiot, instead of just stopping all that and being a responsible grown-up, I pounded a bottle of wine in 10 minutes, made some nachos with cheese and pepperonis, and watched It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia until I passed out on the couch.” – beardo_musacho

3.

“I have a feeling day 1 will be a blast. By day 7 ill be huddled alone in a corner.” – Tasteslikebluemilk

4.

“masturbate freely in every room?” – serjykalstryke

5.

“The happy dance, seriously been married for 27 years and only over the last 2 years have we been on separate vacations.
She spent a week with her brother and sisters along with our adult kids and I stayed home.
Then a few months later I visited with my brother for 10 days and she stayed home.
It was relaxing and we both needed a break from one another, made seeing each other again so much nicer.” – MadLintElf

6.

“Im in this situation right now. Im 3 days in, got 5 days left. The reefer is already gone and I’m so damn hungover for the second day in a row.” – 420_inject_it

7.

“Buy a steak that looks too big to eat.
Grab a pound of Irish butter.
Fresh thyme
A few cloves of garlic.
A crusty loaf of fresh bread.
A massive russet potato.
Sear the steak then rest it in the pan on top of two chopped heads of garlic, a pool of melted butter and thyme. Spoon the infused butter over the steak.
Bake the potato
Dip slices of the bread in the left over butter and brown in the oven .
Watch a TV series I’m behind on.” – PeterMus

8.

“Porn, Xbox and pizza. (not necessarily in that order)” – unitegondwanaland

9.

“Masturbate, with sound.” – not_better

10.

“Get so high I forget how to answer a phone. Watch the first two Godfather movies. Drink 4 beers…sleep like a baby.” – NocheGato

11.

“My fleshlight is set to be delivered on day 2, in case of a delayed departure.” – Tasteslikebluemilk

12.

“Leave all the toilet seats up, and dare I say leave some dishes in the sink.” – harambe_lives_

13.

“Let the cat have a can of Friskies for once, instead of all the healthy nutritious stuff he has to eat. Radical, I know.” – that_townie

14.

“Well I damn sure wouldn’t make an appointment with a dominatrix to come over and spank my ass that’s for sure.” – cpqarray

15.

“Hookers and blow. You already know.” – koolaidman456

16.

“eat Garlic” – may_atak_at_any_time

17.

“Play video games nonstop and eat pizza everyday.” – I_pee_in_shower

18.

“Lots of pot, lots of Star Wars.” – ThingsThatAreBoss

19.

“My wife’s gone out of town just once since our twins were born (we have 3 kids altogether, all of them are 3 or younger). I was looking forward to a weekend of unadulterated gaming. I even made a spreadsheet budgeting out my time so that I could finish The Witcher 3 AND Metal Gear Solid V over the span of 3.5 days (I was taking an extra day and half from work). Worth mentioning: I had already invested 50+ hours into each game, so it was definitely within the realm of possibility.
But it didn’t play out the way I thought. With the fam out of the house, which we’ve had for less than a year, I quickly racked up a list of chores that included yard work, painting the walls in the remaining three rooms of our homes that we had skipped over when we moved in, and changing out some light fixtures.
I still got some game time in, though, and more than I would have otherwise, so it was all good. And you never realize just how much you can miss your family until they come home after being away for a few days.” – ashinroy86

20.

“Last month, my wife was out of town for the whole weekend. I proceeded to drive myself to the grocery story, where I bought beer, Oreos, chips, and frozen pizzas. Stopped on the way home for a big bucket-o-chicken. Binged Netflix all weekend while eating like a college freshman.
I love my wife, but it was amazing.” – MyCardboardSword