1. You always find yourself excusing his bad behavior to your friends. Your friends are like your gatekeepers, protecting your metaphorical relationship moat from idiots and assholes. But something happens when we really like someone. We know he has bad habits, our friends know he has bad habits, yet we continuously excuse our partners when they do something dumb. “Oh, he’s just having a bad day” or “Oh, that’s how he gets when he’s hungry.” When the love is right you shouldn’t have to make excuses for what he says or how he behaves.

2. Your friends don’t like him. Always a red flag. Your friends should love your boyfriend or girlfriend, making you jealous about how well they get along!

3. No matter what, he’s too busy. I get it. We are all busy. We all have things to do and people to see. But when you want to make time for something, you will. It doesn’t matter what else you have going on in your life. If you care, you’ll make time.

4. He doesn’t have any of his own dreams or goals. It’s not to say that your other half needs to dream of being president or whatever, but they should surely have some sense of direction. Purpose. A thing they’re really into. Being into things, having those tiny little obsessions, is what makes you interesting.

5. You’re always an option, not a choice. When you’re together you always get the sense that he’s distracted, that he’s only half paying attention to you. There’s always something before you, no matter what. You’re always made to feel like an option, not a choice.

6. There’s nothing to talk about. There’s a difference between pregnant silences you don’t mind because you’re in your zone and pregnant silences you have because there’s literally nothing else to talk about.

7. He can always reach you but you can never get him. Oh your phone was on silent, was it?

8. He doesn’t excite you anymore the way he used to. If you live together, going home is more of a burden than not.

9. You live vicariously through other couples. When you see other happy couples, in love and making out and all that, you wish you had what they have.

10. You’re always waiting. There’s a difference between waiting to drum up anticipation and excitement and waiting because he ain’t thinking about you. So there you sit, waiting for him to respond to a message, waiting for him to change. Waiting. But for what? When he loves you he doesn’t make you wait.