1.

“I smell my panties before I put them in laundry. Just to make sure all is good :)”

2.

“When I’m on my period, in the shower I’ll put my fingers up inside my vag and scoop out bloody tissue. I truly believe it helps shorten shark week.”

3.

“Those little white bumps on your nipples? I squeeze them. I could be sitting on the toilet and done with my business, but still be in there an hour squeezing my boobs. I know I’m not supposed to, but oh well~”

4.

“I get this gunk under one of my big toenails every so often. Nothing is more satisfying than pulling that stuff out. Also, it smells like parmesan cheese.”

5.

“My scalp has been a bit dry lately and gets a bit of dandruff. I take a pen cap and run it across my scalp to collect some and fill the cracks in my desk at the office. Trying to see how much I can get in there.”

6.

“I dig out my earwax and let my cat lick it off. He loves it. I’ve tried this with a few other cats too, and so far 100% love it. You’re probably going to try it now, you dirty bird.”

7.

“I have plaque psoriasis and sometimes it itches like crazy. Sometimes if nobody is looking, I’ll grab a butter knife from the utensil drawer and scratch my scabby back with it. I usually wipe it on my pants and return it to the drawer. I also occasionally itch my scalp and comb my hair with a fork and then return it to the proper location in the utensil drawer.”

8.

“Probably brushed my teeth less than 50 times in the past 2 years.”

9.

“Sometimes when I get food out of my teeth, I will eat it. It could have been sitting there for hours—I will even take a good look at it. No food can escape from me.”

10.

“I snot-rocket into the inside of my shirt if I can’t find a tissue or napkin.”

11.

“I pick my toe jam and smell it. It smells almost as good as the dead skin from my balls.”
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12.

“I use a pen cap from the cheap Bic pens and I itch the inside of my ear canal/dig out earwax. I wipe it in a paper towel, so maybe it’s not a disgusting habit…but I always worry that my wife will walk in on my with a pen cap stuck in my ear and wonder just what kind of weirdo she married.”

13.

“At night when my wife goes to sleep I roll on my side and pluck my ass hairs out using my fingers. Some are easy and some require a good yank. It feels good though. I let them fall next to the side of the bed. I then smell my fingers. Sometimes it’s bad enough I have to get up and wipe. Sometimes it tolerable enough that I give ’em a few more enjoyable sniffs and get back to work until I feel sufficiently de-plucked. Sometimes in the middle of it I have to roll to the other side and switch hands because my fingers on the starter hand will cramp up. I think she would leave me if she found out.”

14.

“I’m a girl and sometimes if I have to shit really bad but it’s just not coming out, I’ll push my middle finger in my vag and massage the thin wall so the poop will come out easier. Like I push on it and stuff, because there’s just a thin layer of skin between your vagina and ass tube so you can feel the log of shit.”

15.

“You know how babies learn things by putting everything into their mouths? That is also a 27-year-old me. Noticed a white substance on my work ID, put the ID into my mouth, found out it was icing from the cupcake I ate the day before. That flaky stuff on my palm? Glue. The stain on my sweater? Toothpaste! I don’t even think about it anymore. It’s instinct. I usually just hope for food.”

16.

“I Dutch Oven myself and I absolutely loooove it. This one time I cut up an entire bag of shallots (and ate them in a meal) and my farts literally smelled exactly like raw shallots (not even like fart) and it was awesome. I just kept farting and inhaling over and over again.”

17.

“I squeeze tiny bumps on my skin, trying to pop zits that don’t actually exist, and end up digging into the skin, causing infection and swelling and more pus and an actual problem.”

18.

“Sometimes when the skin on my big toe is particularly callused, I will bend down and chew it off with my mouth. Sometimes I swallow.”

19.

“I’m pretty sure most (OK, probably some) women smell their own vagina and like it. It’s a strange fascination, sort of liking your own farts.”

20.

“Sometimes if I do a fart in my pajamas I stick my nose down there to get a whiff. I also stick my finger in my belly button and sniff it; it’s oddly nice.”

21.

“Pulling off my toenails. I do this a lot when I can’t sleep and it’s gone so far that my left big toenail grows in if I don’t keep up and my left little toenail is just gone.”
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22.

“I have one random hair on my shoulder that grows hella long for some reason. Once every few months I’ll have to find it (it’s white and pretty fine, so it isn’t really visible) pull it out and I’ll lay around staring at it for a while pondering why the fuck it grows in the first place.”