I asked a bunch of guys about things that their girlfriends/exes said and how they learned (the hard way) what their girls really meant.

1. “Yeah, sure! Go ahead.”

What guys think it means: Yeah, sure! Go ahead.

What she really means: You try doing that, and I’ll make sure get a taste of hell today.

Depending on her tone, it usually means, “I want you to not want to do it,” but she doesn’t want to be a bitch and control your ass. She’d very much like it if you were to say, “Nah I don’t think I will” so that she can be pleased that you made her choice without her having to ask. Yeah, it’s complicated and stupid but unfortunately, she wants you to do exactly as she pleases without having to tell you what to do because come on, no girl wants to feel like a dominatrix all the time.

2. “Go have fun!”

What guys think it means: Go have fun!

What she really means: Don’t you f*cking dare go anywhere. Also, you’re an asshole for abandoning me and I hate you for that. And if you still do plan on going, where are WE going?

This phrase is usually in play when he makes a mention of a boys’ night or a night with friends or anything that means he will be stepping foot out of the house without her. And unfortunately, some girls are not at all cool with that, so from then on it’s all about dropping hints and getting him to take her along. And of course if that doesn’t work, there is the cold shoulder and the silent treatment.

3. “She seems nice.”

What guys think it means: She seems nice.

What she really means: She’s a bitch. Stop hanging out with her.

Of course there are times when she genuinely thinks his female friends are nice or that his female colleagues are angels. But other times, she hates them. She can already see how Charlotte is staring at him a little too long or how Betty is dying to be more than just his best friend. And then the green-eyed monster gets involved and she doesn’t want to be a crazy, overly attached girlfriend—or worse, the crazy EX-girlfriend from hell—so before any of that happens, she decides to play it cool and put up with her until she snaps. But she has her eyes on her. And so do her best friends.

Note: The day she snaps, you’re screwed. And it will come. Trust me on this one.

4. “You’re a jerk and I don’t know how you’ve had so many girls putting up with you.”

What guys think it means: I want to date you and have your babies.

What she really means: I want to date you and have your babies.

Sadly, girls are extremely attracted to bad boys, so…I guess they win on this one. (I know all girls aren’t, but you know a majority have their ovaries buzzing over jerks.)

5. “Marry your Xbox since it’s more important than your girlfriend.”

What guys think it means: Marry your Xbox since its more important than your girlfriend.

What she really means: No sex tonight. And no kissing, either. In fact, you can sleep right next to your Xbox on that couch! You’re so much more excited by that inanimate piece of techno garbage than me, so I’d assume you love it more than me and of course you can give it all your attention all day. And night. And it can have your children, too, since it gets so much more action than me anyway. Bye.

6. “Let’s do whatever you want!”

What guys think it means: Let’s do whatever you want!

What she really means: Why is it always about what YOU wanna do? Why don’t you ever ask what I wanna do? Watch that chick flick I’ve been dying to watch, and I’ll love you forever.

7. “I’m fine.”

What guys think it means: You’re screwed.

What she really means: You’re screwed. I’m really pissed about something (possibly very trivial), but I don’t wanna start a fight so I’m gonna sulk and be passive-aggressive until you dig it out of me and ask me a million times.

8. “You don’t have to get me anything.”

What guys think it means: You don’t have to get me anything.

What she really means: You absolutely have to get me something. It’s not the gift I’m pissed about, it’s the thought. Or the lack of it. You really ought to put more effort into these things, you know.

9. “Do you think she is pretty?”

What guys think it means: Do you think she is pretty?

What she really means: Do you think she is prettier than me? That girl is gorgeous, which is why I’m feeling a little outdone. Now would be a good time to tell me that you only have eyes for her.