23 Things Everyone Should Stop Feeling Ashamed Of

The simplest definition I could have of our society is this saying: “Be yourself — no, not like this.” Because even though we are told to “let go and be free” this is not really how society sees it. As one deviant little person I know I have been faced many, many times with people saying things such as “This is not how you do things”; “there is a reason why it has always been like this it is because it works” or “What will people say.” Well personally I could not give a rat’s ass about what “people” will say. The only people I care about are my friends and family. Family doesn’t always have to know, and for my friends I will use my favourite quote by the genius Dr.Seuss “Say what you want and be who you are, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who matter don’t mind.” So here it goes, another list of things that should be obvious but really aren’t.

1. Not liking going out. Okay so you’re what is commonly called a book worm, and your idea of a great wine is somewhere between being alone with tea& your favourite book or you + a few very close friends drinking wine. That’s cool too. Plus with this hipster trend, book worms are totally in.

2. Being a party animal. By the time you get to 2nd year of University a lot of people are giving the speech of how they’re now “grown ups” and they do not have time anymore for childish things such as going clubbing & getting white girl wasted. But you’re 24 years old and you still like partying (hard). You do what you have to do, fulfill all your commitments and if after that just want to get down to the new hit of the summer, Go you! Like Homer Simpson said, “Never too old to ROCK!”

3. Being fat or too skinny. It’s 2014 and the definition of beautiful is some curves with a tight body for girls & for boys muscles galore. But Ryan Gosling, Tyrese, Kim K, Tyra Banks, Beyonce…ect are NOT generalities. Most “normal” people are considered to have way too many curves or not enough. And they are a standard that is almost unachievable. So not why love who you are, be healthy, be happy. You’re 1m74 and 80kg or you’re 1m70 and 60kg, if your doctor says you’re healthy don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise YOU ARE ONE BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING!

4. Being a powerful woman. As a powerful woman it is always hard to 1) Get to the highest level of your career and 2) find a man that will accept you as a powerful woman that may make more money than him. Why? I don’t know society sucks. But never ever pretend to be less than what you are to please anyone.

5. Being a sensitive man. Since the beginning of times, men have been expected to be strong & apparently insensitive. “Emotions? Eww that’s for girls.” But guess what, men do have emotions too, and showing them doesn’t make you any less of a man. If anything it makes you more of a man for accepting & dealing with your emotions.

6. Not speaking the language of your “ancestors.” This one is something I have been accused of many, many times. I do not speak any African language, I can maybe understand a few words here and there but that’s it. It’s not my fault and it doesn’t make me less of an “African”. I grew up learning one language and I was never really exposed to anything else other than French (and later on English).

7. Sleeping with a lot of people. Oh the infinite arguments & double standards. We’ve heard them all; about the locker and the key, how the body is a temple…ect. But maybe, just maybe someone that sleeps around does have a lot of respect for him/herself & his/her body (and person). And because of that they want to keep their mind & body healthy by working out and enjoying themselves. If they protect themselves and are not doing it to please anyone else, who are we to judge?!

8. Wanting to wait for the right person, even if you’re 28 or 34. As much as sleeping around is badly seen, you are also seen as deviant when you “keep it” longer than most people. The average age for losing your virginity is often between the late teens & early 20’s. If you’re still a virgin in your late 20’s it’s a bit weird and in your 30’s people are just sad for you. But why? Sex is a personal decision that concern no one in the world but you. If you’re waiting for something special, that’s okay.

9. Being a rape survivor or someone who has been abused. You are not a victim! What happened to you isn’t you, what happened to you is part of you but isn’t all that you are. You don’t have to talk about it, but it doesn’t make you less of a human. If anything it makes you stronger and more able to deal with the hardships of life.

10. Enjoying things that are normally for the opposite gender. “This is a girl’s Tv show.” or “This is something boys like.” We’ve all heard it and probably said it. Because society put it in our heads. You’re a girl and you enjoy scotch, cigars & hockey or you’re a boy and you enjoy art, calligraphy & love stories. This is who you are, be proud!

11. Being homosexual. Do I even need to explain this? BORN THIS WAY! And even if it was a “choice” to be a homosexual, why do you care who they love? Maybe you don’t like guys that have blonde hair or only like girls with very long hair, nobody is making a law against that. We should just let people love who they want to love, they’re not hurting anyone. And between you & I, there are way too many different kinds of beautiful people to expect everyone to have the same taste as us. LOVE OVER EVERYTHING! :D

12. Being religious. Often when people think of religion they think about close minded people complaining that everyone else in the world is living in sin because their Bible said so. Some may think it is crazy to believe in “an invisible man in the sky” or to “pray to a tree”. But religion is about so much more than this, it gives people hope, it gives them faith; that things will someday get better. They believe! [To be honest I wish sometimes I was a very strong believer, because I am sometimes jealous of that faith they have, that He will make it all good again.]

13. Being hairy. Yes this had to be covered too. Because we’re getting to a point where not only women but also men feel the need to be hairless. For some reason, this fashion trend is very famous. Modern society hates hair. Even if hair is completely natural and proof of “adulthood”-of physical maturity. Your hair is part of who you are, don’t let any fashion trend (old or new) tell you how you should be groomed-or dress (since we’re on the same topic).

14. Being HIV positive or having herpes. You are not an idiot. Most of the time all it takes is one mistake, or something that you couldn’t have controlled yourself. Again, what happen to you is part of you but isn’t all that you are. You don’t have to talk about it, but it doesn’t make you less of a human. If anything it makes you stronger and more able to deal with the hardships of life.

15. Telling your friends you’re not able to afford something. Especially in your early 20s, you’re just figuring out life and it is hard- distancing yourself from your parents’ bank account but also not being able to fully survive on your own. And if your friends really are your friends they should understand that you are again saying no to yet another “Thai restaurant night”, because all you can afford is “Cheap wine & pizza night” and that should be okay too.

16. Not wanting a “good job” and a big career. Modern society wants us to be driven and over-motivated people that want the “best job” with the highest paycheck: the villa on the beach, Summer in the Alpes and winter in the Bahamas. But some people just want to have a job they love that will pay enough to be economically stable without having to be ostentatious.

17. Being “too dark” or “too pale.” Black girls using dangerous skin bleachers, Asian girls forever hiding from the sun, White girls desperately trying to be more tanned. Why are we trying to change the way we look to have Rihanna’s or J-Lo’s skin when it is not a colour naturally achievable for our “race” group. Whether you’re as dark as Naomi Sims or as pale as Ed Sheeran, it doesn’t make you any less beautiful or talented.

18. Not wanting to get married or have kids. Yes, the “dream” is the mansion with your 2.5 kids, a beautiful person by your side and a dog (or cat) with an original name. But some people really do not want to have kids, I know you say “they say that now, they will grow up and want kids eventually, they will want to get married.” But not everyone has that in mind, it might happen like an unexpected accident, and they’ll end up in a family. I am not saying it is NEVER going to happen, I am saying in is not in everyone’s plans.

19. Wanting to be a housewife, or househusband (stay-at-home-dad) for that matter. While some do not imagine their lives with companion+kids others only imagine that. They’re not trying to reach for that perfect high paying job. All they really want to be in life is a stay-at-home-parent. And that too is an acceptable career choice. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “A stay-at-home-dad.” There is no shame in that. If you can afford it, do it.

20. Being in an open relationship or unusual relationship (e.g three people). In modern society there is only one kind of acceptable type of love-relationship and that is a two person monogamous one. And you hear people saying “0pen relationships never work, why even get into a relationship if it’s to keep seeing other people?” That is a good question, why? Well maybe because you do truly love the person you are in a relationship with but you also know that you want to see other people (or just need to know that you can). No, it has nothing to do with the fact that your significant other isn’t “good enough”. Maybe it is because you do not want to cheat on the other person that, from the beginning you put your cards on the table. Also it might be hard to believe but some people are capable of separating the emotional from the physical, or even love more than one person at a time. They are not freaks; they are not liars or players. Sometimes this is just who they are.

21. Listening to audio books instead of just reading them. I know people want to say “but Audiobooks are just not the same, we get so much more from reading ourselves.” or “Audiobooks are for lazy people”. Maybe we should consider that Audiobooks are beneficial to people who have a lot of troubles concentrating but still want to be educated (and do not have 3 free months on their hands to read “The Great Gatsby”).

22. Having (and maybe enjoying) a job that isn’t “socially approved” — eg : Prostitute, stripper, porn star…etc. Since beginnings of times jobs such as Prostituting and Stripping are taboos and represent the worst kind of jobs you could get. “Why would anyone want to take their clothes off for money?” you think. Well, why would anyone do anything for money? Either they have no choice and do really need to get money or they actually enjoy what they’re doing. To quote Quinn from How I met Your Mother “I like being a stripper and I’m good at it”. Don’t be so quick to judge someone as disgusting, sad or a victim of society, especially when you don’t know why they’re doing what they’re doing in the first place.

23. Being in love. Yes, love has been idealised into something perfect and beautiful that everyone desires in life, but like stated before some people don’t. Some people actually pride themselves in being an “Emotionless-person”. They live alone. Have their friends. But never get into serious relationships, because they don’t want to or simply haven’t felt the desire to do so (in the last 24 or 28 years). But suddenly they catch feelings like you would catch the flu and there’s nothing they can do about it. There’s no remedy for this one. And even though emotions & Love may seem like something that is for “weak & sensitive” people. There is no shame in having feelings. “Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German because life is terrifying and confusing.” LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED!