I’m not talking about laughs-at-fart-jokes guy or lists-beer-pong-as-a-special-skill guy. This is all about the boy in a man’s body.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend [insert pity party here]. It wasn’t over some big dramatic fight, or because he was unfaithful, and it certainly wasn’t because I stopped loving him. All things considered, actually, he was a pretty great boyfriend. We broke up when it became obvious that we weren’t at the same point in our lives.

Despite being the same age, we were on different levels. It took me a while to realize that he just wasn’t mature enough for the relationship I wanted, but thanks to him I’ve learned what it’s actually like to date an immature guy.

1. You’re his first real relationship. He had a girlfriend or two in high school, but hasn’t dated since. If you’re his first girlfriend in the “real world” you’re probably going to have to teach him a few basics. The only thing he has to compare this relationship to are the hormone and puberty induced ones he had when he was seventeen. In his head, when things get rough you’re going to act like his psychotic high school girlfriend, and he’s going to treat you as such. Bottom line: if you’re his first real girlfriend, you’re going to have to teach him a lot, and most of that will be the difference between girls and women.

2. He doesn’t know how to communicate. Communication is key to any relationship. There are going to be confrontations, fights, and near-breakups, but how these are handled are what determines if the couple is going to make it or not. If your boy/man-child isn’t willing to listen to you, or he readily dismisses your feelings, he’s not mature enough to be with you in the long run.

3. He loves his pride more than the relationship. There is a certain amount of give and take in relationships, and a ton of choosing your battles. If your man loves being right more than he loves you, he’s no man at all—he’s just a stubborn boy.  Everyone has to swallow their pride at some point, and boys aren’t willing to do this yet.

4. He doesn’t own his flaws. This one is about placing blame, and when something happens in a relationship it’s hardly ever just one person’s fault. If you’re willing to accept what you did wrong, and he isn’t, he essentially thinks he’s always right. Not only is that immature, it’s egotistical. Double-whammy.

5. He doesn’t want to be depended on. When shit hits the fan, he’s nowhere to be seen. You might get some sympathy from him, but he puts minimal effort into being the person you can rely on. This is because immature boys retreat when things are too difficult for them. Simply put: men are strong, boys are weak.

6. You’re his girlfriend when it’s convenient for him. You had plans for a nice weekend together? Too bad something else came up and he bailed on you. Sometimes, nothing at all comes up, but he just can’t be bothered and would rather sleep in that day. Men are committed to a relationship and put you before themselves at least some of the time. Boys do whatever they want despite you.

7. He gets lazy. He stopped putting in effort months ago. You no longer get the cute texts you use to screen-shot. You have to fish for compliments because he doesn’t offer them up anymore. And “just-because” phone calls are so few and far-between you begin to doubt their existence all together.

8. He’s a hypocrite. Remember when he got mad at you because you texted him “K” that one time? Now he does it when he’s upset just to spite you. All those things you swore never to do again, and he can’t see the irony in the doing them exactly the same way.

9. He has no ambition. He’s really unhappy with ___________, but won’t make any steps to fix it. I don’t think every man needs to know what he wants to be in life, but a lack of motivation in his personal life will definitely transfer over to your relationship.

10. Instead of breaking up with you, he’ll be a jerk until you break up with him. This is something only a spineless boy does. When the relationship reaches its expiration date, instead of being honest about it with you, he’d rather be an asshat until you leave him. Thus, he doesn’t have to be the bad guy, and you’re the one stuck doing his dirty work.

There’s a reason girls tend to date older guys: they’re hoping to find someone who has grown out of these tendencies.