When anyone hears that I am single and not dating, they wonder aloud as to why I can’t find a man. They harp on love in the age of Tinder. They blame New York City. And, my favorite, they suggest that I am picky.

These theories have nothing to do with my not having a boyfriend or playmate. These are not the reasons I have invested myself with solitude, nor are they reasons I am app free and dateless.

The reason I have been single and not dating is because, for the first time in ten years, I’ve wanted to experience what it is to become the source of my own fulfillment.

I’ve wanted to feel the feelings that come with that. I’ve wanted to meet myself under those conditions. Really, I’ve wanted to discover who I could be on my own. I have wanted this and, the reality is, I have needed this desperately, too.

So, honest, there’s no need to be sad or disappointed for me. Spoiler: I am not sad or disappointed for me, nor do I wish to rush one more man into my life.

And, right now this is a good sign. It means I am challenging myself, and that I have the strength to be doing so, too. Trust, it is far easier to fall into a relationship than it is to stand and sleep and save and savor this fascinating world all on our own.

Becoming the source of one’s own fulfillment should not be one’s final act. As a Breakup Coach, I encourage clients to not put this off, to not wait for a better time or for when they are ready.

We are never ready. But, we can be willing. We can also be desperate.