1. You’ve seen your partner at their pinnacle of hotness and their absolute least sexy and you love the way they look at both extremes equally.

2. You enjoy sitting in silence together, doing separate things in the same room, because sometimes it’s nice just to breathe the same air.

3. You have a special shorthand way for expressing how crazy you are about each other that may or may not involve the words “I love you,” or saying anything at all out loud.

4. You don’t laugh at every joke your boyfriend or girlfriend tells anymore because some of them aren’t funny and the early relationship pressure to seem agreeable evaporated long ago.

5. You know what you have in common and what you don’t, and you adore the non-overlapping sections of the Venn Diagram representing your coupledom just as much as the intersection.

6. It’s practically impossible to feel embarrassed around each other. Not even skid marks in one person’s underwear or a “shart” can rattle you. So you don’t even have to worry if you’re running late and you forget to wipe the nail clippings or hair trimmings off the bathroom counter.

7. Your discussions about the future aren’t just centered on grand, dreamy plans, but are littered with realistic talk about logistical stuff like life insurance and hypothetical mortgages.

8. When your boyfriend or girlfriend wins a group of people over at a party with their wit and charm it’s almost as enjoyable to observe them in their element as it is to be MVP of the party yourself.

9. You can touch base with each other and say things like, “let’s get out of here” just by making eye contact, or through a certain hand gesture.

10. You know that you can’t plan a truly great night out together because those happen organically, when you least expect them.

11. You’ve been caught screaming your boyfriend or girlfriend’s ridiculous pet name in public because you’re so accustomed to addressing them that way.

12. You appreciate it when your boyfriend or girlfriend throws a timely, ego-deflating but well-meaning insult your way because you appreciate their sense of humor and their capacity to challenge you.

13. You’re not afraid to ask each other exactly what you want in bed.

14. You’re not afraid to ask each other for exactly what you want as a gift for any holiday, either.

15. You’re not too timid to express your honest opinion about anything, really, because you can disagree with your partner without hurting their feelings—usually.

16. Your relationship radar is fine-tuned to spot the situations that call for fibbing, either because your boyfriend or girlfriend is in a fragile emotional state, or because they’re better off not knowing something.

17. If it seems right, out of kindness you’ll tell them that the ugly shirt they feel guilty about spending too much money on is tasteful, or you’ll reassure them that you never slept with the guy you seemed so happy to bump into at the park.

18. But you know in your heart that your partner will be ready to hear the truth one day, and you look forward to revealing how you actually felt about that terrible shirt so you can both laugh about it. (You may or may not confess every detail of your sexual past.)

19. You have nicknames for people in your social circle and/or family (some kind of mean, some not) that only make sense to you guys.

20. You have so many inside jokes, you have to be mindful not to reference them when you’re out with a group of friends. Otherwise, you risk being branded that couple—not that you really care.