Are you broke, paying for school and living off of jars of peanut butter from Ralphs? I know your pain, friend. I know your pain.
I had read too far (or just far enough) into one of the local rags and the phone sex ads caught my eye. I could do that, I thought. The ad echoed this sentiment: “We’re always looking for new voices!” It said, next to a woman with wind suggestively blowing through her hair. I got Tonya at EROTICALL.* She was nice…nice enough that I followed through and started making bank as a professional sex worker.
Despite what you might think, erotic phone chat isn’t dead. There’s something about having a nameless, faceless, real-flesh-and-blood woman (or man) on the other end of an old-school phone receiver that makes the industry survive…nay, thrive. What it is? I’m not entirely sure. But, at 30/hour, I wasn’t about to overanalyze.
So you want in? Here are some very real things to consider:
1. You’ll need a landline. Which is fine, but also be prepared to drop some money on a phone you don’t mind holding up to your face for hours on end. Oh yeah, and don’t wear a ton of makeup, because that shit’s breakout city.
2. You’ll be prepped. It’s pretty sink or swim, but before you start accepting calls, you’ll get a little rundown on what is legal and what isn’t. Legal? Incest role-play. Illegal: Not being 18. Legal? Pretending your being murdered by the caller. Illegal? Not being 18. Legal? The caller being on hard drugs, and asking what street you live on. Illegal? Not being 18. And definitely not being 18. Did they mention you HAVE to be 18? So, if you’re of age, anything’s pretty much fine, so be prepared to get nasty requests, be psychologically invaded, and perhaps be a little scared. You can say no, or yes. Nobody’s really going to be listening in save you, your caller, and the horny Holy Ghost.
3. Which brings me to my next point: are you okay with a little danger? Despite the only hard and fast rule of being legal, you’re going to be faced with some crazy-ass shit, and dudes who want pictures, addresses and knowledge of the dirty minutia your life. Your operators are there to make sure your information doesn’t get out, and the caller’s information doesn’t get to you. Use them as necessary.
4. Voice? What voice? Be prepared to be talking A LOT. Not just moaning, TALKING. TO. CREEPY. STRANGERS. A. LOT. Have some lozenges and water on hand.
5. THAT BEING SAID, hope you like LIES. You’ve got to keep the caller on the line for two minutes, or you don’t get any money. If you alert your operator that your caller’s being a total creep before two minutes, you won’t get your money.** Sharing ANYTHING real about your life is a slippery slope, one I don’t’ suggest indulging in; the warm refuge of the phone sex operator is her (or his) capacity to lie. Your caller will always want your name, where you are, what you’re wearing and what turns you on, which I’m sure you assumed. But- your caller may also want…your hair color your favorite movie what sports team you like if you’re drunk or on drugs how many siblings you have if you’re down to party what you want to be are you sure they sound attractive what sign you are are you gay are you shaved what are your hopes and dreams? Yeah. Time is money, so embellish; just be sure to keep all your lies straight.
6. You’ll broaden your vocabulary of PG dirty talk. At the beginning of every call I took, the operator would give me a code. The last numbers signified first time caller, anal play, voyeurism, etc. The first three digits were 800 “clean,” or 900,“dirty.” “Dirty” meant you could say any words in your phone performance, but 800 meant you could only use PG words for sex play (for those who wanted a cleaner jack-off experience). I had to get used to repressing giggles when saying that my “puss” was wet, or that his “throbbing member” made me want to go “over the edge.”
7. Can you give your undivided attention? When I started I thought I could wash dishes, clean my apartment or manage my email accounts. Beware — the client knows if they don’t have your full concentration, and they’ll call you out on it.
8. Can you simulate masturbation (or actually masturbate, many times, per day)? I learned quickly to do the former, because the latter wasn’t super appealing to me. Using lotion or something wet to simulate touching yourself, along with convincing moans and climaxes will keep your clients on longer and keep them coming back to your line.
9. You’ll face desperation in many forms. Many of my calls weren’t about sex, at all, but about love, loneliness and reassurance. Many of the people I talked to just wanted someone to listen and to feel wanted, or wanted to hash out a fight with their girlfriend. It’s less expensive than therapy, with a sexier return.
10. You will actually — genuinely — be helpful. And that’s the thing that kept me going. Whether you’re reliving some dude in Cleveland’s shower fantasy or talking to another dude in Summerville about whether to propose to his girlfriend, you’re more than a phone line-fuck buddy, you’re a friend. Good luck!
Again, this was my own personal experience as a phone sex operator and doesn’t necessarily reflect the all of the policies of all phone sex companies as a whole (though, I suspect it does). If you want in, I say go for it. Or hey, get a job at Starbucks: I hear they’re always hiring.
*Name enhanced with awesomeness to protect the innocent.
**This might not be industry standard anymore, but as of a couple years ago, this was a standard rule of many phone sex lines. 
